In between all of this I have been calling agencies and gathering information. I don't want to go into all the details but the path we are on does not look promising. I have been praying for guidance, direction and peace. All of which is coming to us. Just not the way I had hoped. I have had the feeling lately that I need to let them go or I may go mad. I just can't go on like this.
Last night I had a dream about the children and they came to me smiling and saying goodbye. They said they were going to be fine. I am not one to put to much emphasis on my dreams, usually, but this one was so real and came on the heels of some bad news. My feelings are I need to let them go....even though I don't want to.
I was thrilled today when the three families from our agency who had court passed on the first try. However, my happiness was overshadowed some by my anger at our agency. These families had kids from Holy Savior as well. Why couldn't they just get us and the other family through court before they stopped working with this orphanage. I will never understand this. When I ask the question there are no clear answers given.
I may never have the answers I want.
I have been crying again today. This whole thing is just so so hard.
My friend Roxanne was one of the families who passed today. They will pick up their son Eric in 3 short weeks. We are both so happy. However, the happiness is marred a little by the fact that Eric's best buddy, our Ayele, will not be coming home with him. One child has won the lottery and gets to come home to his forever family. The other does not.
Again, I just don't understand.
Goodbye sweet children. I am so sorry I will never get to be your mommy. I had so many hugs stored up for you. Please know I will be praying for you every single day for the rest of my life. You are both so beautiful, I know in my heart, you will have a forever family some day.
For better news, I spoke with Lori at HOPE adoptions and the director who is currently in Ethiopia thought he might be able to help us. Their in country rep is out of the city until Sunday night/Monday and when she comes back he was going to ask her about Holy Savior and try and get some more information on the director and their problems. I asked if he could send someone there to check on the children and I was told they would do their best. They will call me back Monday or Tuesday with more information.
So that is where I am at. We will see what next week brings.
I feel at peace. I have given this over to God. If he wants the children to be a part of our family he will provide the way. If not, I will welcome another child into my heart, without ever forgetting or praying for Ayele and Kasanesh for the rest of my life.
I'm feeling like our family needs a little away time. I'm going to call my sister this afternoon and see if we can head up to the cool mountains this weekend for a little R&R. Nothing like spending some time in God's beautiful mountains to renew the spirit and heal the heart.
As always, thank you for the support and prayers. They are working. I have a calm that can only come from the Father. Thank you my loyal bloggy buddies!
Thanks so much for all your support and prayers. You HAVE NO IDEA how much they mean to me right now!
All day I tried to just tell myself that this must be God's plan. They weren't our children. However, my heart is not buying it.
I have decided to try and find someone who can help us bring our kids home. Our agency no longer works with the orphanage where the children are. However, I have to at least try and find one that can give me some information and/or help us still bring them home. I need closure.
I would feel so much better if I knew another family was adopting them or that their father changed his mind and came back for them. However, while I understand our agencies reasons for sending them back to their original orphanage, I do not agree with it.
This evening I have been sending emails and compiling phone numbers of places I will call to try and get some help. If I run into a dead end, so be it. At least I will have the comfort of knowing I did everything I could to bring them home.
The children are at Holy Savior orphanage in Wonji. If you know of an agency who deals with them or you think might help us adopt them from their please let me know.
I just can't let the go....not yet.
I immediately asked them if everything was OK and I was told no, it indeed was not.
When I heard them say they had to send the children back to their original orphanage I felt such relief that they were alive and OK I didn't respond to that particular piece of information for a few seconds.
What do you mean you have sent our children back? I kept hearing that sentence over and over as they were trying to explain to me what had happened as I wept into the receiver of the phone.
The orphanage director is not doing his job.
We sent the children back.
We cannot work with him any longer.
We sent the children back.
We are so sorry this has happened.
We sent the children back.
On and on it went.
I can't remember more than a few words of what was said.
However, the few words I remember have lodged into the pit of my stomach.
My children will never come home.
My heart was so fully devoted to those children already. They are my children. That will never change.
Perhaps the pain will soften. My understanding of the situation will grow.
However, a small piece of my heart will always belong to them. The children I was sure God had picked out just for us.
Two boys who had learned to love each other in the orphanage and had become the best of friends. They slept together each night and were best buddies. They were to come home to two families that loved them and who would make sure their friendship would continue.
Tonight they sleep alone. One sent back to their original orphanage high in the hills. The other sleeping in the same bed they had shared unaware that his new family has a court date in ten short days.
One boy coming home to his new family. The other with no family.
I am trying to hold onto Romans 8:28 tonight. I don't want to fall into the deep hole of despair. Lord please make some good out of this awful day. Amen.
They have been sent back to the orphanage from where they came.
My heart is broken.
Here is what I posted this morning on our agency's yahoo group:
We got a call this morning from Erin and Sharon telling us that the in country staff are finding it impossible to work with the director of H.S. orphanage. I wont go into all the details but the bottom line is they do not feel they can get the paperwork done to facilitate getting a court date and passing court as things stand with this director. Our children, who are 5 and 10ish, have been sent back to Holy Savior and our agency is no longer working with them. We will not be able to adopt them. Our family and one other family are affected by this awful development.
To say my heart is broken would be the biggest understatement of this decade. I feel like I have just suffered a miscarriage. We have pictures of these children all over our house. They have grown in all of our hearts over the last month and I know it is not going to be easy to let go of them.
I am waiting for Dave to get home to tell the children so I am just trying to hold it together until then. I cannot imagine what is going through our Ethiopian children's minds right now. To be sent back to the orphanage from the HOH. How much must these children endure? It is so unfair and I find myself screaming out to God this morning. I pray that God will turn this tragedy into good and the children will somehow receive a forever family very very soon.
I do believe that CHI did everything in their power to stop this from happening. I do not blame them in anyway.Will you please pray for our children today? Their names are Ayele and Kasanesh. They must be scared and confused right now. My heart is breaking for them. And also pray for the agency director, that he could get his act together. There are several families still trying to pass court with children from this agency. We need to lift them up in prayer so they can get their children home.
With a heavy heart,
These means that even though the Ministry of Women's Affairs is closed until the 24th for training, we should still get a court date soon, and be able to travel and pick up our kids in the not to distant future.
I dream of them every night.
I can't wait to hold them in my arms.
I spoke with my Congressman about the Health Care bill that was presented this morning. I am very scared for our country.
Here is the email I sent to the President and both of my Senators. My Congressman actually has a brain and thinks this whole thing is ridiculous so I didn't have to send him one. Thank goodness their is at least one person left in Washington who hasn't lost their mind!
I feel compelled this morning to write you and express my concern over the current health care bill.
I am strongly opposed to this bill. I do not wish to pay for health care for the 20% of Americans that do not currently have it. Common sense says that this plan will cost our country and our economy to much. I do not wish to pay higher taxes. My family pays enough.
My husband makes a good wage after going to college for many years. We worked hard and paid our own way. We have 5 children and I stay at home with them. We make sacrifices so our family can pay for health care.
Our great country was not built on hand outs. We already have government umbrellas that take care of the poor through Medicaid and Medicare for our older citizens.
I do not want a health care system that is run by the same people that run the post office. A single payer system will do nothing but run the other private insurance companies out of business which will in effect force all Americans on this system. How can private insurance companies compete with government subsidized care? We do not want it. Please listen to the majority for once.
I have friends from Canada who are laughing at us right now. Talk with some Canadians. They don't seem all that happy with their system.
Last time I checked the U.S.A. was a democracy. When did we turn into a Socialist society?
Thank You for listening to my concerns.
If you are concerned about what is going on with this please contact your Senators and Congressmen. We have about 2 weeks to apply some pressure on this issue before the summer break begins. Please educate yourself on what is really going on with this bill.
I am so tired of politicians thinking our great county was built on the almighty bail out.
Our country was built on ingenuity, hard work and failure. Yes. Failure.
Henry Fords first car company did not succeed. The second time he did.
Failure is not bad. Through failure we learn life lessons that help us to succeed in the future.
Why doesn't our government seem to understand this?????
Mom: Thanks, Angela (her grand daughter), came over and gave me a perm and colored my hair.
Me: I love the new color.
Mom: Me to. I'm just not ready to be gray yet.
My mom will turn 90 in November.
Something tells me she will never be ready to go gray.
Here she is with my Dad before her new color.
She now has beautiful ash blonde hair again.
My mom always looks good. I hope I am as healthy and happy as my parents when I am almost 90.
You both are an inspiration!
My parents have already started a photo album for our new Ethiopian kids. They are very distressed that we only have 5 pictures of them.
That is so sweet and it is such a blessing to our family that my parents are supporting us in our adoption as fully as they are.
We love you both so so much!!!!
We are still waiting for a court date. We hit the three week mark yesterday. I am going to stay hopeful that we will hear something when MOWA opens again in two weeks.
The strangest thing happened yesterday. There was a referral for a little boy (2) and a girl (5). The family had only waited 5 months. That means we were at the top of the list for a boy/girl 0-6 (we had waited 9 months). It was so strange to know that if we had not been allowed to adopt our kids off the waiting children's page, most likely, they would have been the kids we were referred.
I had a moment of panic. Did we adopt OUR kids?
The answer is YES, YES, YES.
I am so in love with these children, however, I did have a moment where I let the enemy in and started doubting.
All along I have prayed that God would send us OUR kids. The mountains that were moved for us to adopt these children has left no doubt in my mind that they are OUR children, sent from God and an answer to all of our prayers.
Why do I let the enemy in? Some times I get so mad at myself.
I am off to the Christian Home Educators conference for the weekend. I am going with a few girlfriends and will be going to several classes that I hope will help me teach our new children. I am excited to go and get refreshed and ready for our second year of homeschooling.
I am so so excited.
Have a great weekend my friends!
There was an investigation and it has been completed. Only one agency was involved and we had been told that the abandonment cases would begin to be heard so these precious children and their families could be united.
We were expecting some good news this week.
However, this was just announced:
Two US agencies announced today that MOWA will be closing for training, effective tomorrow and lasting until July 24th. One agency reminded their clients that MOWA handles both pre- and post-court paperwork; the closing not only affects abandonment cases waiting for new court dates, but it affects all cases waiting for court dates, cases scheduled for that time, as well as people who have already passed court and are waiting for travel clearance.
We received confirmation from our agency this morning that this news is indeed true.
This seems so unbelievably cruel to these families. They have already waited two months for news on their children and now MOWA is closing? There had been some rumors that the families would pass without being given court dates. I pray this is true. I don't want them to have to wait one minute longer to hold their children in their arms.
What does this mean for us?
It means our prayers of news of a court date this week have been crushed. We won't find anything out until after the 24th.
It means our sons friend, Eric, whose family was suppose to have a court date on the 14th will have to wait longer also. I am so sorry Roxanne.
I had dreams of my children swimming in the pool this summer and bonding over smores and campfires.
Most likely it will be Fall before they come home now.
This is a picture of the big kids shoes outside their room at the House of Hope. My friend Angie sent it to me. I find myself staring at the shoes wondering which pair belong to our children? What colors are thier favorites? Who are their friends?
Questions I will have to wait a little longer to ask them.
My heart is broken over this whole situation.
His team had just lost a game they were highly favored to win.
His team had been taken over by aliens for a few hours this evening. Boys who could catch balls and turn double plays just yesterday couldn't make the most basic of plays.
We lost 15-14. Generally if you put 14 runs on the board in an All Star game you are going to win. That is if your team mates can remember how to catch the ball.
To say it was painful would be an understatement.
However, it happens to the best of them.
The Yankees, Dodgers, Red Sox, Angels, Mets, etc. have all had such loses.
My heart broke for my child as he just sat down and cried after the game. Something I have seen him do only one other time.
I walked over and tried to comfort him as did several other parents.
I told him I was sorry they had to lose this way, however, their was some good news.
"What" he asked?
Well, no longer will our days have to be planned around practices and games. We can go to the beach, stay up late making smores, pitch a tent in the back yard and go to the drive in whenever we want.
That got a smile out of him.
Soon we were home and the seven of us were laying around eating a late dinner of burritos from the local take out place. Giggles and laughter had replaced the tears.
Tonight as I lay in bed I found I couldn't sleep.
The events of the night were still bothering me. I was thinking of the days in the not to distant future when I wouldn't be able to solve all my sons hurts with a promise of a chocolate bar and a trip to the beach.
There will be hurts that I cannot fix. It is hard for me to accept this.
Tonight it is late as these thoughts race through my head and I am reminded of why we need to nurture and grow our children's faith and knowledge of the Lord.
He can heal them when we cannot. He can guide them in ways we never can. Their trust in Him is so much more important than their trust in us. He is the great healer.
Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will
never let the righteous fall. Psalm 55:22
One of Zach's friends was playing with her and it fell out during their rough housing. She was terrified, she didn't seem to realize you were suppose to lose your teeth, and Zach's poor friend was traumatized by the idea that he had knocked his friends little sisters tooth out. It really was a funny spectacle. Paige was crying that she was bleeding and she wanted her tooth back. You see, she swallowed it in all the excitement.
We explained to her about how you lose your teeth when you are little and why. I guess none of her friends had lost their teeth yet....or she just hadn't noticed.
Last night she lost her second tooth with much less drama. This time she was careful not to swallow it and Tyler took her upstairs to put it under her pillow for the tooth fairy.
This morning she came happily running down the stairs with her one dollar bill in her hands.
Look mom, my tooth turned into money. Now I can buy what ever I want.
I wonder how much she will cry when I tell her how much that dollar is really worth?
Maybe we can both have a good cry about that together....................
I was so excited this morning when I realized next Fourth of July we will have two new citizens living in our house to celebrate with. We are still praying for a court date before closure. I am having a good feeling about it, but trying not to have my heart set on it so it does not break if it doesn't happen. Maybe we will hear something by the end of next week.
We are going to head on over to a local park for a carnival and fireworks later. This afternoon I am planning on enjoying a book out by the pool for a while.
Have a wonderful 4th with your families!!!