Friday, December 11, 2009
The Doubts......and then Peace
At times through our adoption journey I have had doubts. Could I love a child who I did not give birth to as much as I love my biological kids? Should we risk bringing a child into our home who could potentially disrupt the entire dynamic of our family? How will we bridge the language barrier? What if we just don't like each other?

In the dark moments when the enemy invades my conscience these are the things I ask myself.

Then I feel guilty.

When we first started on this journey, over two years ago, I prayed to our Heavenly Father that he would bring us the children that were meant for OUR family. I asked him to prepare their hearts for us and our hearts for them. I asked that he would allow me to have the same feelings for my adopted children as I feel for my biological children.

You know what?

He has.

I look at the pictures of Levi and Amelia and my heart swells with love. I KNOW they are OUR CHILDREN. The ones God has picked out for our family.

The more I learn about them, the more I stare at their pictures, the more I love them. A love that could only come from our Heavenly Father.

At times I complained about how long it was taking for us to complete this journey. Now, as always, I can see God's hand in the timing. Our other children are so ready to welcome Levi and Amelia into our home. I'm not so sure that was true six months ago.

Last night Samantha had her Christmas piano recital. The students had to get up in front of the audience and place an ornament on the Christmas tree and make a wish for someone out loud. She made a wish for her new brother Levi and her little sister Amelia. I didn't know she was going to do that, but it blessed my heart that she did.

The children talk excitedly to their friends and others about their new brother and sister. They carry pictures around to show others, and are genuinely happy we will now be a family of 9.

Don't get me wrong. I am not going into this with stars in my eyes. I know their will be challenges and some adjustments that need to be made once we bring them home. However, isn't that what happens whenever you bring a new baby home? I think what God has taught me is that all change requires adjustment. He has been reassuring me that everything will be fine if I just trust in him.

I like to worry. Something I am working on. My latest worry has worked out to be just one more way God has showed us we are walking in His will for our lives.

My boys play travel baseball through an organization that is run by ex-major league players. It is a great organization and I love it because it is just not some Dad running the team. There is none of the politics that goes on with regular baseball leagues (if your kid plays club sports you know what I am talking about) and we have loved watching our oldest son play for them over the years. Now it is Garrett's turn to start playing for them, however, I was worried. We think Levi is closer to 9 than 7 and if he ends up liking baseball he might want to play for this organization also. Their is no way we could afford to pay for two kids to play. It is a little pricey. For that reason I had been asking Dave to not let him play right now. Lets just see what happens.

Well, last night at the piano recital we saw the head of this organization. It seems his daughter had just started taking piano lessons and this was their first recital.

This gentleman takes Dave aside and tells him that if Levi decides he likes baseball that he can play for their organization for as long as he wants for FREE.


Another one of God's blessings just fell from heaven and landed squarely in our laps.

Not only that, but his wife then tells me that she has all these little girl clothes she would love to give us for Amelia. She tells me that her girls had so many clothes they hardly ever wore something twice and she had been hanging onto the clothes not knowing what to do with them.

God's Blessings. They are abundant.

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  posted at 8:29 AM  

At 9:55 AM, Blogger Raquel, The Glamorous Life said...

totally just got God-bumps while reading that! We serve a God that is so amazing and plans all the details so much better than we ever could. so excited for your family

At 11:40 AM, Blogger Alida said...

Wow .... amazing Julie ... HIS power is amazing!!!! So happy for you all!!!!

At 1:20 PM, Blogger Christina Hubbard said...

Isn't God just amazing! I know that throughout our journey we have had similar experiences and I will join you in the worrying! I am a worrier!! I can't wait to see all of your children joined together!

At 12:28 PM, Blogger The Gang's Momma! said...

You really should have posted a tissue warning. Seriously - an ornament wish for her little brother and sister? playing baseball for as long as he wants, for free? God is so good. And girl clothes? Yay. Yay. Yay.

Sniff. Sniff.

At 10:01 PM, Blogger Workship said...

God is so good. Thanks for sharing!
daisycrazyliving dot blogspot dot com


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I am a spontaneous, out going, daughter of the King, who is married to a wonderful guy who is a quiet, shy, non-spontaneous, scientist who also loves the Lord. Truly a match made in heaven! We fight and argue, love and laugh, every single day. I am passionate about orphan care and love to tell our story to anyone who will listen. This blog is dedicated to that journey.

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