He will be gone ten days. TEN DAYS!
He is alone.
Without any parent.
Just a coach and 15 other 16 year old boys.
What was I thinking?????
I had a panic attack this afternoon. It was different than anything I have ever experienced before. The room went very still and quiet. Almost like I lost my hearing for a few minutes. My heart was racing, and I felt clammy all over.
I wasn't sure I could actually go through with it. Sending my baby (yes, honey, I know he is 16 but he will always be my baby) so far away without me. What if something happens and I can't get to him? My dramatic flair was definitely rearing its ugly head today.
I had to talk myself down from the cliff I was about to jump off of. Or, actually, I think it was God helping me down from that cliff.
He reminded me that Zach is a good boy. He's never given us a lick of trouble. He has a good head on his shoulders and he will be just fine.
My head understands all this just fine. My heart, however, is having a hard time jumping on this band wagon.
As I type this my child is flying somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean excitedly contemplating playing baseball with the best of the best. He thinks his mother has lost her mind.
As I go up to bed now I am going to try and put all this fear at the feet of my Heavenly Father. I know he is watching over Zach. Perhaps this is another lesson he is trying to teach me about my need to be in control all the time.
I know I am really not in control of anything so worrying makes no sense.
One thing I am sure of though is this. If my child does not call me at least once a day he is grounded when he gets home. Grounded I say. For a minimum of 2 weeks!
I AM NOT KIDDING!!!!
Goodnight my friends.