Thursday, June 19, 2008
Parental Panic
Tonight I sent my oldest son (16) off on an airplane to fly 3000 miles away from his family to play baseball in a U.S.A. National Tournament.

He will be gone ten days. TEN DAYS!

He is alone.

Without any parent.

Just a coach and 15 other 16 year old boys.

What was I thinking?????

I had a panic attack this afternoon. It was different than anything I have ever experienced before. The room went very still and quiet. Almost like I lost my hearing for a few minutes. My heart was racing, and I felt clammy all over.

I wasn't sure I could actually go through with it. Sending my baby (yes, honey, I know he is 16 but he will always be my baby) so far away without me. What if something happens and I can't get to him? My dramatic flair was definitely rearing its ugly head today.

I had to talk myself down from the cliff I was about to jump off of. Or, actually, I think it was God helping me down from that cliff.

He reminded me that Zach is a good boy. He's never given us a lick of trouble. He has a good head on his shoulders and he will be just fine.

My head understands all this just fine. My heart, however, is having a hard time jumping on this band wagon.

As I type this my child is flying somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean excitedly contemplating playing baseball with the best of the best. He thinks his mother has lost her mind.

As I go up to bed now I am going to try and put all this fear at the feet of my Heavenly Father. I know he is watching over Zach. Perhaps this is another lesson he is trying to teach me about my need to be in control all the time.

I know I am really not in control of anything so worrying makes no sense.

One thing I am sure of though is this. If my child does not call me at least once a day he is grounded when he gets home. Grounded I say. For a minimum of 2 weeks!


Goodnight my friends.

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  posted at 10:48 PM  

At 4:29 AM, Blogger Laurel Wreath said...

It is so hard I know. I think I would have had a delayed panic attack also. He will have a great time, and will make memories (good ones) that will last his lifetime.


At 5:54 PM, Blogger Heather said...

I'm not sure what you are feeling because my oldest is only 6 but I'm sure it's gotta be hard. I am praying for you that you can give this over to God and that your son will have a great time!

At 6:58 PM, Blogger LISA said...

Oh Julie! I can sympathize with you on this!! It is HARD to let them go off like that! Even if they are good kids,moms seem to worry!It will be like that always, coz we're moms!It is definetly a give it to God worry!

At 7:56 AM, Blogger Kristin said...

Oh, that would be REALLY hard for me, too, and our oldest is 20!! He's still never left us for more than a night or so. I can't imagine when they start growing up and moving away. SOB! But I hope your guy is having a great time.

At 3:59 PM, Blogger Qtpies7 said...

I feel your pain. I am sending my 15 year old away for a week, leaving tomorrow. Only two chaperones and they will be wandering around Salt Lake City doing good deeds and evangelism.


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I am a spontaneous, out going, daughter of the King, who is married to a wonderful guy who is a quiet, shy, non-spontaneous, scientist who also loves the Lord. Truly a match made in heaven! We fight and argue, love and laugh, every single day. I am passionate about orphan care and love to tell our story to anyone who will listen. This blog is dedicated to that journey.

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