Doubts have been creeping into my mind about all sorts of things and I feel like my soul is under attack.
A lot of it has to do with our upcoming adoption. I start to wonder if I can really handle one more child? Am I even a good enough mom to the children I already have been blessed with? Where will we find the money we still need to complete our adoption once we get our referral?
Doubts. Guilt. Anxiety.
In my heart I know that our family is traveling in God's will for our lives and we need to trust him in all these things. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this adoption has been guided and planned by Him. So many amazing things have happened on this journey. Events and situations in which I can see his hand.
Yet, I doubt. In my darkest moments I doubt.
This morning I felt God's presence as I was going about my chores. Reassuring me. Loving me. Reminding me He is with me always. Do not be afraid.
I am trying so hard to give up control and give it all to Him. I am stepping very far out of my comfort zone and at times the old habits creep back in and make me feel insecure and uncertain of our families future.
Tonight when I opened my Bible this is the verse I saw,
Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and
man. Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on
own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths
Lean not on my own understanding. That pretty much says it all.