Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Do you ever feel like Satan is knocking on your door? I've felt like that lately.

Doubts have been creeping into my mind about all sorts of things and I feel like my soul is under attack.

A lot of it has to do with our upcoming adoption. I start to wonder if I can really handle one more child? Am I even a good enough mom to the children I already have been blessed with? Where will we find the money we still need to complete our adoption once we get our referral?

Doubts. Guilt. Anxiety.

In my heart I know that our family is traveling in God's will for our lives and we need to trust him in all these things. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this adoption has been guided and planned by Him. So many amazing things have happened on this journey. Events and situations in which I can see his hand.

Yet, I doubt. In my darkest moments I doubt.

This morning I felt God's presence as I was going about my chores. Reassuring me. Loving me. Reminding me He is with me always. Do not be afraid.

I am trying so hard to give up control and give it all to Him. I am stepping very far out of my comfort zone and at times the old habits creep back in and make me feel insecure and uncertain of our families future.

Tonight when I opened my Bible this is the verse I saw,

Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and
man. Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on
own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths
Proverbs 3

Lean not on my own understanding. That pretty much says it all.

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  posted at 9:48 PM  

At 6:17 AM, Blogger Gretchen Magruder said...

I felt the same kind of attack a few weeks ago....God just reminded me that HE is the one who thought this adoption was a good idea, and HE is the owner of the cattle on a thousand hills....so I guess he can come up with the money!

Keep on trusting!!

At 8:29 AM, Blogger missy said...

Good stuff. That is one of my biggest problems, I have to understand everything, have it all figured out. Bless your heart...it will all be just great!! I know HE has it all figured out, and that is all that matters. Be encouraged and at peace.

At 10:03 AM, Blogger Virginia (Jenny) said...

I am definitely going through this. But really, really bad. I have cried a lot, wondered if I really can do it all, doubted myself as a mother, and as a homemaker. It started about a month ago and has been continuous everyday. I pray and ask God for strength but it feels as if I'm pushing against something. I truly need God to help me break through. This has been a tough battle for me.

At 7:45 PM, Blogger Billie said...

This is my lifestory! I have not been a "good" mom lately. I have felt defeated and frustrated with myself. I started to question why I was adopting when I can't handle the 3 I have.

But I KNOW it's a battle. And I know that God DID call me to adopt...so I guess He thinks I am capable (at least with Him alongside).

At 4:05 AM, Blogger Lori said...

Yes, I've had my times when I know satan is right there causing problems. However, isn't it amazing how you open up the Bible and God talks to your heart? This has also happened to me and has helped to comfort my heart in times of struggle.

Hang in there, God knows and is there for you.

At 6:55 AM, Blogger Coach J said...

I absolutely love it when God sends us an encouraging word like that!

At 2:45 PM, Blogger Kristin said...

I understand your anxieties -- sometimes I wonder where God is . . . we've had some tough times in the past few years. These reminders are so timely. It's a confusing, scary world at times!


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I am a spontaneous, out going, daughter of the King, who is married to a wonderful guy who is a quiet, shy, non-spontaneous, scientist who also loves the Lord. Truly a match made in heaven! We fight and argue, love and laugh, every single day. I am passionate about orphan care and love to tell our story to anyone who will listen. This blog is dedicated to that journey.

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