My daughter is 4 but she has the language skills of a 2 year old. Maybe younger.
I have shared before about Paige's speech delays but recently we are realizing that perhaps it is just not her speech but something else developmentally going on.
All of our children were late to meet their milestones. Because of this we were never overly worried about Paige's delays. Her sister didn't sit up until she was 10 months old and didn't walk until 17 months. Paige followed along at this same pace.
As Paige got older and still wasn't talking like she should we still didn't become overly concerned. Our oldest son never babbled and rarely uttered a word. Around the time of his third birthday he started talking in full sentences. He went from one extreme to the other in what felt like an overnight experience.
As you can see our kids have seemed to ignore any books and charts about what is normal. They definitely beat to their own drummer.
However, now that Paige is four I am having to face the reality that there may be something more serious going on.
Tonight as I am tired and feeling frustrated that I can't communicate with her the tears are streaming down. The tears I needed to shed to mourn the fact that my precious little girl may not be "normal". What ever that exactly means.
I love this little girl so much and I could not imagine life without her. She brings such joy and laughter to our family. She Blesses us beyond measure.
Yet tonight I feel the weight of her special needs coming crashing down upon me. Even my husband does not truly understand how I feel. I feel alone in my sadness and worry. Despair filling my heart.
We live next door to a family that has a little girl 2 weeks older than Paige. I watched them playing today and the difference in their emotional and physical abilities was overwhelmingly obvious.
Tonight I am having my little pity party. I need to do that. Allow myself to mourn and feel sorrow for the little girl that she should be but for some reason is unable to become.
We are sitting on the couch together watching her favorite Sponge Bob episode. I am all cried out and ready to face tomorrow.
In the weeks ahead we have appointments with Neurologists, Speech Therapists, Occupational Therapists, Geneticists, and a Developmentally Delayed Pediatric Specialist all to see if we can figure out what is going on with my sweet girl.
We received the first report from the special needs preschool she is attending and they are requesting we allow them to do some more involved testing. She is not making the progress they had hoped for.
I have driven myself crazy searching the Internet trying to figure out a diagnosis. She does not fit neatly into one box. We have already been told this before.
Adding to my despair is a comment made this weekend by a family member regarding our plans to adopt. This person made it clear they believed we should not be adopting another child when we have our hands full with Paige. She deserves all of our attention and financial resources.
I know without a doubt that God wants us to adopt a child. I know our family is not complete. Their is someone missing from our table. However, the words stung perhaps because they were implying I could not give to Paige what she needs if I had another to love and nurture also. Does this mean I should give Paige away because she is taking to much time away from her brothers and sister? I think not.
So tonight I am holding close to my faith knowing that God has a plan and I am to trust him in all things. That is what I intend to do.
But Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.