However, I have tried.
Here is our story.
Over twenty years ago I saw a documentary on Russia and the many orphans they had in their country. The documentary spotlighted several orphanages and the little children on the screen really touched my heart.
Afterwards I told Dave that we should someday adopt a child. At the time we had no children of our own. And no money. The thought was just a dream of a young girl of 20. That girl filed her dream away for a later time.
There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1
A few years later we had our first child and then three more in pretty quick succession. Life was good and we were happy.
When our youngest son was around three I started feeling the yearning for another child.
I remembered our conversation about adoption those many years ago and brought it up again to Dave.
He really wasn't interested. He had a family member who adopted a child at a young age and it didn't turn out so well. He wasn't so sure he wanted to take the chance. Whenever I spoke of my desire to other family members and friends they also were not very encouraging. I felt myself doubting my dream.
Do not be afraid. Do not let your hands fall limp. The LORD your God is in your midst, a victorious warrior. ZEPHANIAH 3:16-17
Not to long after our conversation I found out we were expecting our fifth child.
Thoughts of adoption were again put on the back burner.
About the time Paige turned one I was starting to really want another child again.
However, I knew this time it was not a child from my womb I was longing for but a child to be born in my heart.
Hubby, again, was not so sure.
Until, about eighteen months ago, when he expressed to me his desire for another child.
I was thrilled. I was sure God was working on his heart and he would now agree to adoption.
Not so fast. He still was not sure about adoption.
I was very disappointed.
I really felt God leading us down the path of adoption. However, my husband was not feeling that same pull. He would prefer I give birth to another child.
I began to pray. I knew God would not be leading me down this path without taking my husband with me. This child would need a mother and a father that were fully committed to him or her.
I asked Dave to start praying as well. He told me he would.
Now, I have to confess something here.
I knew that if I begged and pleaded with my dear husband he would give in and let me adopt a child. Neither one of us is very good at denying the other something we really want.
I knew in my heart this would not be fair and it would not be what God would want. If he truly had picked this path for us I needed to wait on him and give him time to work his magic on my husbands heart.
That one thing I knew for sure. If it was truly a calling from above I would not have to twist my hubby's arm. He would come to the same conclusions on his own.
This is VERY hard for me. I am not a patient person. I like to be in control. I like to drive the car.
But I needed to have faith and wait.
Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the LORD. Psalm 27:14
Recently,I had pretty much given up any hope of Dave ever changing his mind. I would try and ask gentle questions every once in a while to see if their was some shift in his attitude....I always seemed to meet with resistance....I would then back off again.
I started doubting. This must not be the path God had wanted for us. I must have misunderstood his nudgings. My husbands heart was not changing.
As usual, God did not take note of my pitiful amount of faith in him. HE had other plans.
And your ears will hear a word behind you, "This is the way, walk in it", whenever you turn to the right or to the left. ISAIAH 30:21
Several weeks ago, while having a quite dinner out alone together, the subject of adoption came up again. I noticed a change in my husband. He asked a lot of questions. How much research had I done? What countries could we adopt from? What did we need to do to start the process.
By the end of the meal he finally said the words to me I had waited so long to hear. We should adopt. And he meant it. His heart had changed.
Dave, the kids and I are all very excited about this path we are traveling on. I will admit to a little bit of fear and unease.
However, 98% of the time I feel complete joy over the whole idea. Joy that has been waiting 20 years to explode from my body.
I have so much more to tell you but if I tell you know it will take you hours to read through all the words I have that need to come out of by mouth.
I will spare you for now. More to come in a few days.
Hopefully someday I will finally learn and remember that God rarely works on my time table. His is so much better.
Let us hold fast the confessions of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23