Back in December I was having these same feelings and we actually requested information on one of the waiting children that was listed. She was a darling little girl, around 5 years old, who was wearing a baseball jersey. How fitting is that?
I prayed for direction and was really excited about, perhaps, switching agencies mid stream and adopting this little girl. However, I wanted to make sure we were doing the Lord's will and not our own.
This was not our child.
I settled in to wait it out with our current agency. We have a very good agency but they do not have an orphanage. They have a transition home where the children are taken when they are matched with a prospective family. Our agency works with several orphanages and we have great faith in them both ethically and morally. Some of the other agencies I have spoken with did not give me this same sense of assurance.
Well, over the last few days I have had that unsettled feeling again. Wanting to go on the waiting children's list and take a peek. I was asking God this morning during my prayer time if I should do this. I was whining and crying to him that I was so frustrated and just didn't understand what was taking so long.
In the side note of my Bible their was a small article about having a contented and patient heart. This is what it said;
It is common to hear women bemoaning their lack of patience as if it were the most difficult gift to pry from God's hands. In fact impatience stems almost solely from our exaggerated notions of what is due us. If we could but lower our estimation of the importance of our time, our plans and our feelings, we would find ourselves almost automatically more patient.
Being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that
you might have great endurance and patience. Colossi ans 1:11
Patience is a more positive trait. It is the ability to bear affliction, delay, and interruption with calmness, perseverance and confidence in the goodness of God. It is inward peace as well as outward control. It is the submission of our schedules our viewpoints, our dreams to the greater plan of God, with the conviction that he has a good reason for every delay he allows to come our way.
SMACK! I felt like God had just given me a good spanking.
Am I finally going to give all control to him? I sure am going to give it another try.
I do have peace knowing that God did lead us to this agency, and I truly believe (finally) that they will find us the child that God has specifically picked out for us.
Perhaps this will all make more sense when we find out who our child/children are? Maybe not. I will just have to wait and see.
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.