I used to crave conversations with other women. Now I just find them mostly annoying.
Let me give you an example;
Last night at Garrett's football practice some of the other moms and I were having a discussion about school projects. Many of the boys have the same 5th grade teacher and it seems she has been laying on the homework pretty thick. I was thinking to myself, "Boy, am I glad I am homeschooling this year, it sure makes life easier". Only one of the other moms knew we had switched to homeschooling this year so she asked me how it was going? I said I was enjoying it, etc. The other moms looked at me with surprise and started asking very nice questions, however, this one mom started in telling me about how her girlfriend had homeschooled her kids and they were so far behind before she finally put them back into school. She couldn't believe I would take that chance with my children.
I know, I know. Some of you are wondering why I didn't give her all the data about how well home schooled kids do? To be honest, I just really didn't care about what this woman thought. I just smiled and went on my way. However, I could tell my friend was annoyed and she shot this lady a dirty look which I found rather entertaining.
This is a huge change for me. I used to care so much about what other people thought about me. Now, not so much. Maybe it is age. I am 44 and much more sure of myself than I was in my twenties and thirties. Before, this woman's remarks would have kept me awake at night wondering if I was doing the right thing. Today her remarks just make me chuckle at her ignorance.
Perhaps it is the wisdom that I am walking with God. Seeking his will and not my own or those of societies. Yes, I am liking the new me so much better than that other girl who was filled with self doubt and insecurities.
Now, don't get me wrong. I love all my girlfriends and bloggy friends. I just don't feel the need to be every one's friend anymore. I used to think that everyone had to like me or I would just die. I was a pleaser.
I am content now to enjoy the wonderful friendships I do have and if new friends come along that would be great. However, if I find you annoying or obnoxious, I wont be worrying about you anymore. I'll just smile and go on my way (and perhaps say a little prayer for you too).
Lest you think I have closed myself up in a closet you needn't worry. I'm actually going out for coffee tonight with a bunch of home schooling moms I have never met. I hope to make a new friend who can help me through this journey, but if not, I'm content to stay at home with my new best friend.
His name. Jesus.